SOS to the world

Fear.

Normally, we make the mistake to think that fear has to be essencially something material we're scared about; some object, some fate related with death, our economical situation or love life. But fear can affect every single inch of insecurity in us... Even our body image.

As a sixteen-year-old high school student body image's pressure it's my daily routine, the one I couldn't choose; the one they didn't let me read in life's contract.

Let me tell you something: you weren't born with this fear. It's not okay to feel less than someone for feeling ugly. Being beautiful, nowadays, is a so corrupted beautiful word which was messed up by a selfish and unhappy society which looks for the aesthetically perfect.

You want to know a secret? Perfection doesn't exist. No, your favourite singer isn't perfect either. No, that cartoon character either. Perfection is a cruel myth told by industries to make feel insecure so we buy their products.

I'm going to tell you a story–I surely shouldn't, because it's my personal life and there are things that simply must stay in the dark, but as we would say in my country, "it's time to bring out the skeletons from the closet".

I've suffered depression. And I know we're so used to this word nowadays, which is sad, but my depression was deeply stuck in me... Way deeper than I thought back then, and now I realize, how bad it was I let my insecurities play such a big part in my life:

I've felt fat, ugly, clumsy, silly, unworthy of love, care or even life. I felt like I was as lonely as I felt because ugly people didn't deserve happiness, and yet I saw ugly people enjoying their lives, which was worse, because then I was even uglier than the ugliest ones. And yes, I know what I'm saying is cruel, and surely wrong, but that were my thoughts, that was what came out when Icloaed my bedroom's door, that was hiding behind the smile and a laughing "I know I'm horrible dude, don't worry, I hate myself too", that was eating me alive when I looked at my sisters and saw two beautiful women.

But my fears didn't have enough... Actually, they never have enough as long as you keep feeding them. So it also took my passion: writing. God, I wish you could see how many poems I threw to thr rubbish, feeling useless and stupid because my depressed self didn't like poems talking about falling in love.

So I want to throw a message, to all the teens, kids or adults out there–As if I threw a bottle with an SOS written in a small paper, I like that, that's how I'm going to call it: my SOS.

»Listen, you're not perfect, and whoever tells you you're, they're lying. As the color spectrum, there are too many shadows and brights to define a specific mix of greys and reds to say which one is the perfect color. We're too many, too different and too unique to define which one of us is the perfect roll model we should follow.

You look up to models and see their skinny bodies, and perfect skins and beautiful queens made of glass because that is the fictional character the photographer made based on a real person with the same insecurities you might have. You can't follow the structure of something that's not real... You can't, but we do.

Look I'm not going to lie you, guys; I'm so far from loving myself. Because I still look down to my arms and feel awful seeing my scars, because I still feel ashamed of wearing dresses, because I still ake cruel jokes on me and my body image and I still let people hurt me the same way. I'm far from loving myself because I still feel like an awful writer and I still make jokes telling myself I'll never find love because I'm ugly and people said ugly ones never find love.

They will say "you're human, it's okay if you're afraid" , yeah but I'm human, and my race survived years and years by accepting their fears and fighting them. It's okay to be scared, but also to fight your fears.

Dear society, dear fears, dear brain, dear me: STOP MAKING ME FEEL UNWORTHY, STOP MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I'M NOT ENOUGH!!!. I want to jump out of my bed, have a shower, brush my teeth and look at that weird-looking girl in the mirror and say "hey! I look pretty cool today! " Even if it's just because of my T-shirt, even if it's just because of my new haircut... I want to be able to see something good in me and that's what I'm going to do.

I invite every single reader who casually ended up here by fate's choice to do this exercise with me everyday : look at the mirror everyday and say aloud something you like, or something you find funny about you–You can't find anything?? Text me. I know everyone says this but I'm an antisocial teenager, believe, I'll always thank talking to someone new. So just send me an email, or by Instagram and tell me "Hey Rain, I don't know what I like about myself " or "Rain, I hate myself" and we'll have a nice talk, we'll get to know to each other.

Guys, I know how this feels, I know how is it like and yeah, it's time to stop.

You're beautiful, always. Stop telling people they're beautiful in the moment they start to love themselves because that won't help: you're ALWAYS beautiful, inside and outside. And no, by beautiful I don't mean you're Barbara Palvin, nobody is Barabara Palvin, she's unique; as we all are. We need to stop comparing ourselves with everyone around us trying to find our same "mistakes" (which also please stop calling our "somethings" that make us who we are mistakes, thay conditions us to a bad first impression about ourselves and that's exactly what we want to avoid),because we will never find them and that will break us: we are unique. Not different, unique. And it's not like being different is wrong, it's just that being different means we might not share everything, but we're the same in something and no: we.are.unique. Nobody will ever replace us because there's only one us, and if we leave there will never be someone even close to who we were.

You're beautiful; with scars, with body hair, with curves, skinny, short, tall, with cellulite or acne. You're worthy: because your place in this world will never depend of your appearance. You're not perfect: because looking for perfection would be like looking for a Dragon Ball Z character, running after the shadow of a ghost, born in our own fear to the darkness. You're enough, you're doing a great job, and I love you.

Thanks for coming, have a nice day,

Keep being cool.